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E.T. Games
ET games is a two part episodes of The Irate Gamer. The long list of doublethink committed by The Irate Gamer can be seen here. Plot summary After the 18 second warning telling viewers to change the URL, Chris is seen outside in a lush plant region that is apparently a desert. A desert is a region is that devoid of rainfall, has sparse vegetation and extreme temperatures. Any place that Chris Bores visits is immediately declared a desert because Chris projects an aura that is devoid of creativity, has sparse originality and extremely low brain activity. This is shown to the audience by how numerous attempts have been made to kill Chris, including holding him at gunpoint and the normally hyper-competent predator, have all failed simply because the aura strips the normally competent people of competency. This would explain why people who try to advertise for Chris Bores seem to like giving attention to the people who don't support him, without realizing that would prevent Chris from getting publicity since he is always associated with AVGN or his detractors; often in an unfavorable manner. What is particularly noticeable is that Chris has managed to walk outside without using a greenscreen, a feat that is quite impressive considering that Chris was unable to leave his room in the previous episode (predator). There are several possibilities here. The first being that Chris used his demonic powers to phase through walls while the second being that Chris found alternate exits. Regardless of what manner Chris exited his room, Chris is seen carrying a shovel, no doubt having just buried the predator corpse as the predator meat isn't tasty. Chris begins digging in a random location that clearly doesn't appear to have anything there only to find 5 completely intact, totally not compacted or buried deep, ET cartridges. Chris does not note his usage of THC to find ET cartridges in a lush region nor does he note that other games were buried in the same site of legendary ET game's burial in the Mexico desert. Chris makes a face showing that once again he is constipated and the scene ends. Chris talks about the scene where ET nearly dies in the movie stating that fans cried at that point before saying that fans would cry even more for a crappy game that gamers would probably cry about because clearly in addition to the amount of things Chris claims to be a fan of; ET must be one of them. “There was another reason that would end up making fans cry even more” says Chris Bores even though people would most likely be angry to have bought a terrible game. Chris says that this is one of the worst games in history which makes it even more of a shame that Chris Bore's history of video games series has been put in indefinite hiatus because facts like these are so hard for Chris to find. “'After releasing E.T., people were so confused and frustrated by the game…'” says Chris with many people noting that Chris said frustrated correctly. To recap, Chris has just correctly stated a game fact and pronounced a word correctly and as such, Chris cannot allow this to continue if he wants to maintain parody levels of entertainment. Fortunately Chris managed to slightly hinder the miracle of his pronunciation by failing to make a proper sentence, as the sentence is phrased in such a way that people are the ones who released ET and not a company; however small miracles are still in effect and Chris must compensate for them. Chris accomplishes this by saying people returned their ET game cartridges even though people didn't return the game, there were just too many produced (enough for every atari owner to get 3 or so). Chris then says the cartridges were buried in the lush region which is only a desert when he's around. “And since I just happen to figure out the secret location that these things were buried in” says Chris Bores noting his own magnificent writing on par with the highly popular Dr.Seuss movies. “Time to dust off the old Atari, and see how bad this game really is” says Chris Bores, the guy who has played all retro games over "a dozen times" and knows "all the ins and outs of" them. “Now I’m not sure what ad shit-eating grin looks like, but if I had to guess, this would be it.” says Chris Bores, not noticing that he is more capable of such an expression. Chris notes that ET must search holes to find 3 telephone pieces but there more holes than pieces and thus luck is involved. Chris denotes this by saying “This piss-poor attempt at trying to add strategy to a game" showing that Chris Bore's definition of strategy is just doing things without reason. Chris gets stuck in a hole, an obvious metaphor for his career, and attempts to levitate his character out of the hole but fails because he does not know the controls because the manual has been processed for nutrients. To avoid straining the audience's patience, Chris says “If that wasn’t frustrating enough" once again astounding the audience with his masterful correct pronounciation of the word frustrating. Chris mentions the FBI agent and the scientist that chase ET on higher game difficulties. Chris then calls his health bar a timer and notices that in his trademark style, he loses the game because he could not avoid making repeated mistakes. “Well I’ve had it! This is absolutely the worst game I’ve ever played in my life!” says Chris juxtapositioning his line so he will look like a sore loser. Chris then says ET should go find his own way home but then remembers the times he watched a movie and thus feels compelled to try again. Chris attempts to do so much only manages to mangle ET again because his muscle spasm acting up again resulting in Chris making constipated faces and repeatedly waggling in the stick in a game that doesn't need any such motion. At one point, Chris manages to collect the phone pieces, calls the mothership but stupidly allows the scientist to abduct ET. Chris yells Mothersucker Doublefucker” on his highly strategic decision to stand there like an idiot and get abducted by a scientist. In addition, Chris had ET stand in a position where the mothership does not land (pro tip: The landing pad is where the mothership lands) and so ET had died for nothing, which is par for the course in the Irate Gamer show. The FBI arrive on suspicion that Chris is secretly a Cthulhu worshiper based on his warped sense of priorities and humor and arrive to tell Chris that he must relinquish the ET cartridges because even the game is more entertaining than his current work. Chris thinks of all the horrible things he could do if he padded out the review even further and decides to help the cartridge escape from the FBI so he can continue to make content on par with Alex Jones conspiracies. Chris then escapes using the bike he found on the hole in the wall he made by accidentally walking too fast and escapes with the ET cartridge tucked away in the bike's basket. Unfortunately since Chris has been doing too much THC, Chris asks for the ET cartridge to make him fly only for it to turn out that Chris is so stoned that he ends up hitting a dumpster. This ends part 1 even though part 2 was released at the same time... Part 2 contains no intro and begins with Chris noting that there were no ET games on SNES or newer generation systems. Chris does not note that this would be a result of the fact that ET does not have sequels and so there is no reason to have more games as the audience would shrink over time. “But almost 20 years later, Nintendo took the plunge" says Chris not noting that nintendo did not make the game and that the game's releases were connected with the 20th annveristy ET movie. Chris says “They decided to release a few E.T. titles for the Game Boy Advance” and then says “The first one we’re going to look at is called E.T. and the Cosmic Garden” not noticing the game he just stated was on the game boy color. “Time to plug in the Game Boy Advance Player to the bottom of the Gamecube…” says Chris Bores still not noting that his gamecube isn't plugged in, doesn't have a controller plugged in and he's only playing a game boy color game. Chris beings playing ET and the cosmic garden but immediately says the game is terrible because it involves plants and anything wholesome would be a threat to Irate Gamer's demonic powers. Chris complains that poop is used as a fertilizer because reality offends him and complains that game about gardening has gardening as its premise. The later levels contain more gardening and Chris is too surprised about the revelation that fecal matter has appropriate uses and thus dismisses the game as garbage. “Cosmic Garden should be shit out of a cosmic asshole” says Chris possibly not knowing what the words cosmic mean. Chris then begins playing ET on the GBA, this time with a third party controller plugged into his gamecube. Chris immediately pauses the game but edits in a mario pause sound effect because clearly editing in pointless sound effects was a priority. He asks the audience, most of whom don't know what a question is given that they're still watchin at this point, using multiple choice; the method of which ET attacks. Chris complains that ET's attack method is running away in fear because obviously ET should be using his abilities to melt people's faces and twist them into pretzels. Chris enters the second level (using cheats and passwords) and states that the level is patrolled by FBI agents and that if ET is caught by them, they force ET to give them a blow job. Since Chris can't decide if this show is for kids, he then shows the FBI agents grabbing ET and shaking him, thus denoting Chris's very confused and flimsy definition of sexuality and sexual acts. Irate Gamer pauses the game again and asks why each level is a scavenger hunt. Chris asks why he needs to run around a neighbourhood (even though the actual level consists of a house) collecting flowers. “I guess logic really has no place here” says Chris Bores acknowledging his pointless use of sound editing and writing style. Chris also says “And I can tell that by all the P(ee) and poop found in these games” demonstrating that this show is for children and that Irate Gamer does not use toilet humor. Chris notes that a toilet is in the game and complains about the toilet, because a game review should involve complaints about things that don't affect gameplay. “What do you expect me to do, wipe my ass?” says Chris Bores noting that he requires compliance. Chris states that the toilet has reminded him for his constipation and decides to flush the game down the toilet because if he can't poop then at least he can use the toilet for something else. Chris does not mention that his real reason for flushing the game down the toilet was its hard difficulty simply because Chris is doing his hardest to not look like a sore loser, especially when the game insults his inability to defecate. It should also be noted that flushing such objects down the toilet is severe waste of water and causes massive problems for the sewage industry. Chris then says the other two games cannot fit in the toilet and thus he needs to blow them up because clearly just putting them in the trash or the eliminating them with special effects or demonic powers couldn't possibly be a solution. Chris puts the games in a box and notes that there is a phone number for calling the mothership. Chris decides that such inferior beings should not be allowed to exist and so genocide is in order. Chris calls the mothership and says that he will kill the hostages if the mothership does not come to pick them up. Not happy with just the terrorism, Chris detonates the explosives when the mothership complies and kills the entire alien race. Considering that a human alien warfare is already occuring in the previous reviews and what kind of person Chris is, Chris most likely timed this genocide just as a armistice was about to be signed between humanity and the alien invaders. Video Trivia * ET on the Atari is considered one of the worst games ever made. * This is the second time Irate Gamer has committed genocide on the show. External links *Part 1 at Internet Movie Database *Part 2 at Internet Movie Database Category:The Irate Gamer episodes Category:The Irate Gamer season 3 episodes